Rolling

Part of the new Simcoe Wavedeck along Toronto’s waterfront.

Go here to see some other pics.

2010

At the beginning of every year, many of us take the time to step back, take a look at ourselves and make resolutions to be better. While it can be argued that we could do that at any point during the year, the change of the calendar makes a convenient time to make an attempt at changes.

From what I’ve seen from my contacts on social media, last year was a difficult year. For us it was no different. It wasn’t horrible with grave or life changing events, but it was tough. Part of that was our own doing including allowing ourselves to overpack our schedule. Overtime, poor vacation planning, too many extracurricular activities, and preparing for major exams ran us into the ground. My wife is actually currently on a leave of absence from work trying to recover from it all.

After a year like that, and possibly due to a mid-life crisis, resolutions seem to take on more importance as a way to recover and recalibrate areas that may have been slipping. Over the past few years I’ve been working at striking balance in life. Readjusting to both life as a parent and to the move to Montreal seems to have put me back on my heels on many parts of my life. I’ve been taking care things as they come to me, but not proactively doing what should be done. I kind of wonder if I may have burned myself out even before becoming a parent and moving here back when we were living in Chicago. Over the past few years it seems that I sought out distractions more often than I should have. Or even taking a bit too much ‘me’ time. Both as a means of evasion. It is time to get over that and take charge again of many aspects of my life.

Of course many of us make seem to make an annual resolution to shed some weight. I have done it almost every year and this one is no different. Though every year I usually try something different in order to achieve that goal. I’ve tried a variety of diets with a few of them mentioned on this blog over the years. Some worked and some didn’t, but all did not last. But it has been many years since I’ve committed to any sort of exercise regime. I’ve always blamed a lack of time (and sleep) as the reason for not recommiting to exercise. This year, we bought a Wii in order to be at least a bit more active while at home. We also decided to try the Wii Fit to see if would get us off our butts. I’ll talk more about our experience with it in a future post after we’ve had more time with it. But my goal with this is not only to lose weight, but also to gain back the strength, balance, and flexibility that I’ve lost over the past few years. No special diet this time. Just exercise and eating right.

During these past couple months that my wife has been on leave, I have been helping out more with the kids. I’ve usually been more concentrated on getting the heavy lifting things done around the house or the finances. Helping more with the kids has shown me that I’ve not been doing all that I could toward their enrichment but also that I really must give up my remaining inhibitions toward what is left of a language barrier when dealing with people involved with my kids. Education and enrichment of our kids has been one of my primary reasons for becoming a parent. So it is time to actively apply myself more toward their growth. And yes, it is easier now that their world is less about princess and more about discovering the world around them.

One thing that is not a resolution but an ongoing quest is to become a better person. Get a better understanding of humanity. Be present. Communicate better. Be a better father. Be a better husband. Be a better family member. Be a better friend. Get organized. The time is now.

Another annual resolution that we’ve taken on this year is better attention to finances. We’ve always lived beyond our means despite continued efforts to rectify it. We’ve been lucky that chance has allowed us to keep bringing our debt back to zero, but we can’t keep relying on those. So in addition to keeping track of our spending we will also cut down on unnecessary expenses. Our drive to spend on certain items will likely be the topic of another post someday.

At the office, I’ve got a good amount of work ahead of me. As I mentioned earlier I’ve been back on my heels. I recently had the only negative review in my dozen years of working. Some of that has been due to learning new codes, new system of units (metric), and getting comfortable with the language. But it’s really more a problem of letting the work come to me instead of going after it. On that front it is really time to take charge and get the job done.

And lastly in a bit of contrast to all that I’ve mentioned that needs to get done above, we’ve got to allow time to relax and recover. Over the past year our life was non-stop from May to December with it particularly tough from September to November. There was very little break during that time. Or at least the length and quality of the breaks was not sufficient. And really this brings it back to the resolutions of the past few years of having balance among the many aspects of our lives. The difference is that this time around I need to pay more attention to items at hand.

It has only been a few weeks so far, but these resolutions are still strong and they are making a difference. I’m hesitant to say that they will hold and continue to be a part of our lives because I’ve felt that before in previous years about this same time. Usually something comes up that knocks us off our routine and we don’t get back to it until the next year. But then if we don’t keep trying, we’re not going to succeed.

Frames

The winter garden at Navy Pier in Chicago.

Montreal Survival Guide

Over the years there have been many people who found this blog after looking for information about Montreal. Often they’ve been people either planning to move to Montreal or have already moved here. Up until now they have had to either dig through the archives or tags in order to find the information they were seeking.

Now this blog was originally created both to reach out to those from other places who have moved here and to relay my experience as a new resident to family, friends, and the general public. I had always been interested in creating a “Best of” page on the blog for those who had recently found it. But after seeing so many people interested in information about living in Montreal, I decided that I would rather compile all of the posts containing my thoughts and observations on the subject. I’d actually been thinking about doing that for a few years now.

Well this past week a friend from Chicago was sent here for a few months for work. And it turns out that there were quite a few others that came here with her. So I decided that it was the best time to finally assemble all those posts. So you can now find the Montreal Survival Guide listed under the “About” title to the right.

It’s been a fun exercise. Rereading all those posts and realizing that I did actually articulate what was on my mind. It has also helped to show how far I’ve come in the past six years in regards to language and knowledge of the city and culture. Though I’m actually quite surprised at the number of typos. Anyhow, if you have time there is quite a few interesting ones in there. Enjoy!

Wabash

Tomorrow we start our two-day drive back to Chicago. This photo was taken during my last trip in October. It should be a relatively relaxing trip this time with not as much planned other than seeing family and close friends.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Splitsville Revisited

Since posting the previous entry about young family break-ups almost two years ago, I’ve continued to think about the subject. Just to restate, my wife and I are doing fine. Though it hasn’t been smooth sailing since balancing a young family, careers, and a house can have some bumps in the road. Or even some potholes or other traffic violations.

Admittedly in the previous post, I was harsh, judgmental, and maybe a bit condescending towards those who choose to split. Even despite my little disclaimer at the end suggesting that we can’t judge others without knowing everything involved. I had also written a follow-up which I didn’t post that prescribed what was needed to make sure a relationship would weather hard times. Um, yeah.. Like I’m a love and relationship guru. We all have our opinions, but the tone of both posts were not right. BTW, if you read that previous post be sure to read the comments.

Very quickly if you are interested about the two families in the previous post. It turns out that one of the parents in the family with four kids went through depression and got involved with drugs and alcohol. The parent straightened it out and moved back home before they eventually sold their home and moved elsewhere. The self-centered jerk of the other family is still a self-centered jerk. Apparently the jerk hid half of their salary from the spouse while they were married and still feels the former spouse should work visitation rights around their schedule. But enough gossip.

The real reason for revisiting this is some realizations I had after hearing from a friend about how other acquaintances with kids were having tough times. In general they are all two professional parents balancing careers with family life and they all seemed to have some sort of problem. One person wanted the other parent to keep from working so much. Another person hated that they now live out in the suburbs instead of back in the city. These two items alone show what is probably the biggest stress on the relationship. The transition mentally to being a parent in a family. While there are the physical and time demands of parenthood that take their own toll on a person and a relationship, I think the mental transition to becoming a parent takes an equal toll. Every parent makes that transition to differing degrees.

By mental transition I mean the switch from being independent to part of a family. Even as a couple, it is very easy to remain independent. I think it truly is when that transition is made to parenthood that we really start to lose that independence. Many of us have spent many years between education and working long hours to get where we are in our career. Usually couples can weather that demand on our time especially if they are both independent and are both career oriented. But the trajectory of a career can be something very difficult to slow down or put on hold if that desire to advance it is there. Plus a certain position may have been attained which has strong time demands. Do you ask to step back and take a lower position with less stress and less time required? It’s not an easy decision.

Another transition is the social aspect of it. Many of us loved living in the city with all it has to offer and many of us had to move out to the suburbs to find a place we could afford in a nice neighborhood. Some have quite a bit of difficulty with that transition. Plus some have trouble with the limited available times going out to see friends, movies, or live music. Even more importantly there seems to be rare times to spend with the spouse. It can be quite a transition that not everyone is comfortable with, despite their knowledge and understanding that this is the way life is as a young parent. On the flip side, becoming a martyr with your free time for the sake of family can be just as damaging. As with most things in life, it’s all about balance. But knowing yourself and what is possible goes a long way.

Discussing the topic with my wife, she suggested that mid-life crisis can also play a role. Many professionals who have kids later in life have that crisis when the kids are young as opposed to when the kids are teenagers like during my parents generation. Many of us stop to take stock of where we’ve gotten and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. That can be impetus to part ways if things aren’t going well especially under the stress of early parenthood.

So while I still have difficulty hearing when the parents of a young family decide to go their separate ways, I do understand more about the increased stress that early parenthood brings to a relationship.

Face Down Tuesdays

Over on my Flickr page, I took a bit of a hiatus for a month and didn’t post anything artistic. I was quite busy at the time while my wife was studying for a big exam and my free time was in even shorter supply. So I figured I would do simple “day-in-the-life” (365) portraits. Pictures usually taken at arms length showing something interesting from you day. After a while I realized that they actually took as much time as the artistic shots, so had to stop all together.

But before I stopped, one of my contacts, Thee Erin, has been participating in something called Face Down Tuesdays. A picture of you face down somewhere. I saw them and decided that I had to try it out. So one day I brought my tripod and camera to work and said I would take a shot up on the belvedere overlooking Montreal. The problem was that it was drizzling when I left and it never let up. So the pavement up there was wet and I was soaked after taking nine different shots. I went back up on Mont Royal a few weeks later and took this shot also:

I had fun taking them in that it’s a bit covert to take them without people noticing. I may try it again after the snow arrives.

Scott Joplin – Maple Leaf Rag

Check this out! My cousin Robbie playing Maple Leaf Rag in one shot. I’d always heard that he is a great piano player so it’s great to finally see him in action. His son Noah took and created the video.

Reunions and Facebook

One thing I realized over the time leading up to my reunion weekend last month is that Facebook may really be changing the dynamic of reunions. It used to be that you would come to a reunion and the appearance of a good number of people had changed. So you may spend part of the time scanning nametags in order to find the names you recognize. And maybe even after recognizing the name or the face, you still don’t remember your relationship to the person.

If you do encounter someone you knew and their appearance changed, you may be shocked negatively or positively and you may be unable to hide that surprise. You may spend the evening racking your brain to remember the people, your relationship to them, and what transpired back in the day. Even then a good portion of those memories may not come to the fore until afterward.

The other thing is that you’ll likely be repeating the same recap of your life endlessly for the next few hours. “I am a deep sea peanut biologist. I’ve been married five times and divorced twice. I have a dozen children but only a couple are mine. All of their names start with “X” and the first is actually named “X”. I wandered aimlessly around Antarctica for a few years after college, but eventually settled on Pitcairn Island after my ship ran aground. I’ve changed my name to Fletcher Christian.” You know, the boring stuff.

But in this age of increased connectivity and everyone reconnecting on Facebook, so much of this classic reunion experience is changing. Of course this change depends heavily on what you put out there online and even how interactive you are through direct messaging or chats.

The experience of being shocked by how people have changed has been relocated from the high school gym to your home computer. It’s become a very private affair allowing you to tailor your reaction to their current appearance. One upside is that there is already a level of familiarity since you’ve seen what they look like now through many of their photos. You also have the time to dig out the yearbook to remember who these people are. You may each post old photos which will jog your memory. Or you may also converse about old times either online, by phone, or even in person. You may also know much of what your fellow alumni have been doing over the years and seen the photos of their journey though life.

So then what will happen at the reunions in this day of connectivity. I think it’s an excellent opportunity to take it to the next level. Much of the fundamental information is out of the way so you can talk about either items related to that fundamental info that interests one or both of you. There may also be secondary items on your FB page that are conversation starters. “I saw that Ishtar was your favorite movie. Me, too!!!” Plus with the fundamental info out of the way, it allows more time to reminisce.

I find also that the combination of the reunions and Facebook provide a lasting effect to the reunions. I suspect in the past that the reunion was a one-time affair where many people said they’d get together again, but it was rare for them to actually do it. But with these social networking sites, the connection remains both before and after. As I mentioned at the beginning it depends on how active people are with the sites, but I suspect that quite a few of the connections that have been reestablished will continue for sometime.

Granted most of the interaction through social networking sites can be fairly superficial. “I ate a jar of peanut butter for lunch.” It’s not the end-all be-all of human interaction. Real interaction necessitates effort by the users or actual face time. Hence a reason why the real life encounters work well with the keeping-in-touch through the websites.

Over the next few years it will be interesting not only to see if these connections last, but also if Facebook itself lasts. I’ve already seen how a few online mediums like blogs and to a certain degree Flickr have gone from everyone participating heavily to a moderate (balancing it with my life) participation. Using history as a reference, it will likely be replaced by another medium. Be it another website or some other technological advance. But for right now, despite it’s flaws, I think it’s a good way to keep these rekindled connections flourishing.

The Guest Wall

Since today is Thanksgiving in the US, I figured that this would be a good picture to post. It’s actually my 6th most “interesting” photo out of the 1634 that I have posted on Flickr so far. I think that’s much more about the subject of the photo rather than the quality of the photo. It is an installation in our guest room consisting mainly of photos of people who are important to us. Here’s a little explanation of how it came to be.

A few years ago we had a bunch of people coming in from out of town for a big event. We had moved in the house a year before and had not yet finished the guest room. We painted it and installed the furniture, but we wanted to create some sort of collage of photos over the bed showing the people important to us. We both have very modern tastes so a patchwork of various photos of differing sizes and frames did not capture our interest. So I came up with this idea of creating a grid of 5×7 head shots of each person. And of course we did it in black and white since it has a more artistic appearance.

After we worked out what spacing we felt would look best, we had to choose exactly who are the 52 most important people in our lives other than ourselves. In the end, our time crunch to finish it before the big date limited the photos to those we had on hand. That is why in this photo there are still a few blank ones. But of course the choice of who makes the wall and who does not can be quite a touchy situation considering who visits the house. There is actually a fairly easy solution to that. The pictures can be changed out, so you can tailor it to who might be visiting. As long as everyone you know doesn’t show up on the same date, you shouldn’t have any problems. In the meantime, we can put up the people we feel should be up there. Currently it is still the photos of those we had on hand when we first set it up. Updating it has long been on my to-do list and maybe someday I’ll get to it. BTW, the interchangability also allows us to change-out people if they piss us off or change-in people who share their lottery winnings.

The commentary concerning the photos has been interesting. Some people have said that they look like mug shots. Though I don’t really think so since they are all smiling. Some have said they would feel weird sleeping with all those faces staring back. Well, I’ve always thought it would be a good place to practice my public speaking. Or others could practice their exhibitionist tendencies in the privacy of our guest room.

Like I said earlier, the photo is one of my most popular. Much of the traffic has come from the Flickr group “IKEA beds“. Yes, the bed is IKEA and the frames are 5×7 side-clip frames that come in a bundle of 4 for 3 bucks. It was also posted on LA Apartment Therapy back in April.

It was a fun little project and I’ve been happy that it’s been getting such a positive response. It’s gotten quite a bit more exposure on the web than through the dozen of people who have been in our basement.