Where am I?

Before you call the authorities, please read to the end.

This morning, at least I think it was this morning, I took the Metro to work. As I was exiting my station, I came upon one of those groups who play music banging tambourines, sing, and dance around while wearing white robes with shaved heads. I was in a very good mood and I think there was something in the air which made me feel even happier. My inhibitions melted away and I found myself dancing for joy with these robbed folks. As we danced, I became less and less aware of what was going around me and I started getting hungry even though I had breakfast not that long ago. One of the dancers (I think there were 4 guys and 2 women) asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat at their place. We all got in the back of their van and apparently I passed out shortly after.

I woke up not that long ago and I don’t know where I am. I quickly found that I am locked in and the windows don’t open. I haven’t seen anyone on the street and there are no sounds indicating anyone in adjacent residences. So I’ve had time to investigate this place. I have been dressed in a white robe like the other dancers. When I walked into the bathroom I made the discovery that they have also shaved my head. Upon further investigation, they have shaved ALL the hair off my body. The furnishings are rather sparse. Mattresses on the floors in the two bedrooms, no chairs in any of the rooms, pillows on the floors, and a framed picture of Oprah Winfrey in every room. Not only that, their entertainment system is only a TV (no cable) with a VCR. They appear to have a complete collection of every production that Oprah has made. Just for fun I watched that ‘flash mob’ she did on her show that one time with the Black Eyed Peas.

I also passed the time for about an hour trying to play the guitar they have, but my fingers are now numb. Of course I looked for a phone, but they don’t have that either. They also took all my clothes along with my cellphone in the pocket. BUT, I did find this laptop stashed under someone’s mattress. Maybe one of them can’t completely live this meager lifestyle. And luckily somebody nearby hasn’t protected their Wifi so that’s how I’m able to post this. Looking at their bookmarks, I never realized that Oprah had so many different websites.

I don’t know how long I was asleep, it feels like a couple days. I can’t tell the time since it’s cloud outside. Oh wait! The computer says that it’s just past noon on April 1st. So it’s still April Fool’s Day. Thank goodness because that means I’m writing this during my lunch hour from my desk at work.

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~ by Frank on April 1, 2011.

2 Responses to “Where am I?”

  1. For once (for *ONCE*) I didn’t believe a word of it. 😉

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